I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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