He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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