he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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