She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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