We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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