its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
