Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
