i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize