Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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