right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize