she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.