Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased