yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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