Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.