sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud