My brain says no but my pants say off.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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