Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
