Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
