Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
