Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
