Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
