3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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