I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
