You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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