My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
