My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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