how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
