Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
