i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
