Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
