i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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