Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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