ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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