Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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