I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
