I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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