Yo dont text me then not text me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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