i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
