Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
