I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
