oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
