Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
