I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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