her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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