I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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