I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
