He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize