I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
