Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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