So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
