Plan B is the new Plan A
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
