I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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