5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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