dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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