Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
