and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
