She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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