i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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