Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Randomize
