Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
