If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
