Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
