Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
