You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize