the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we're making bets on your personal life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
