The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
