its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
