So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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