i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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