Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
