laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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