About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
