Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
