If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
