No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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