she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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