Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found your dick twin last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have fence marks all over my body
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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