You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
