I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
