Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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