my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
