i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
